Swim, Swim Some More,Then Drown in It

It's something we all have I think; to fear what is to come. No no, I don't mean the virus. Something that runs deeper, the future.

I never prepared for my undergraduate studies. I just went on with my A Levels, and UCAS applications. Then when the time to go to university came, I had nothing. Not having a back-up got me up the bum (sorry). It was basically this: I either got what I wanted or I didn't. The in-between wasn't acceptable. I was not supposed to go somewhere and be miserable over (which is exactly what happened to me in the past four years I have spent in Famagusta).

This year, I am to graduate from my bachelor's studies, from mechanical engineering. It's, once again, the time to decide on things, to apply for things, to act on things. Things, FUCKING things. I always hated institutionalised education, and never in my life had a day of work experience (does Team Ada count? No? Okay). Am I to go on to a masters degree? Work? Where and in what condition to work? If I seek a masters degree, is it going to be worth it? Am I to add on anything? Do I have a place in the academy afterwards? PhD? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

What?

Phil France has this instrumental piece, The Swimmer. Gets me wishing for summer. Never had a taste for it in the past, summer is for people who enjoy.. being. Everything is exhausting, and everything is demanding. The thought of swimming is funny. I got nausea the last few times I went because I got so hooked up on the movement of water around me. Swim, swim some more, then drown in it.

Hey

This is a shitty blog
It's my diary
Though it's not that personal
Nothing is really THAT personal

I am violent,
and this is where this shit writing ends
- till next swim