last night i found myself screaming "i don't love you! i CAN'T love you! i don't want you!" over and over again to this person whom i thought i couldn't get tired of, ever. being intertwined for a good amount of the past four years, things drifted apart in less than a week. i was upset, deeply. not that im never like this, but shit suuuux. always thinking of myself as this person who doesn't need to be loved at all times, who is self-sufficient and blah blah blah yet im again craving the warmth. this also.. wait for it.. sux. came to believe that i am, in the simplest of words, not worthy of what another being can show me.
then it hit me.
nobody ever told me i could wish to be loved. nobody told me i was allowed to. even if i was, i was told it would be temporary and no one could love another person forever. love was to pass. it was like the wind.
once there was this person i was attracted to, in my most naive self, and all i got treated was like a freak for simply showing how i felt. shit.. again.. you know it.. sux.
maybe then again, my feelings are never mutual.
i am expected to outgrow them and fuck with whomever until im numbed out.
love is nice and good, but then again not.
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