my favourites from the decade/ 2019

i wanted to post my favourite movies from the 2010s as instagram stories but turns out i loved many and it would be time consuming for the both parties to go through it. so, im here to share my favourites, and not just movies either.

movies

the sunset limited (tw: suicide, so i don't recommend it to those who are susceptible to such thoughts)
mandariinid
mother!
la vie d'Adéle (i hate abdellatif kechiche but, i mean, it's lea and adele, how can i resist)
interstellar
her
i, daniel blake
loin des hommes (excellent albert camus short story adaptation)
like crazy (changed all my thoughts on long distance and love and got me crying everytime i thought of it. plus, it's dustin o'halloran score)
get out
i origins (love and its transformation, aaah)
inception
dunkirk (not the story but how the score and timeline of it is harmonical)
whiplash (i got my very own fletcher)
the dark knight rises (watched it last night on tv again... just..)
the east
a separation (i got closer with my ex boyfriend through this movie)
the favourite (you can't resist olivia colman and on top of everything, it's YORGOS FUCKING LANTHIMOS!)
rush (rip lauda)
relatos salvajes (truly wild, like the name suggests. bombita.)
john wick (a new take on the action genre)
raw (i love veganism.............)
the killing of a sacred deer (i guess we can put all the lanthimos movies here)
green room (a new take on the thriller genre, for me. jeremy saulnier. anton yelchin. the green.)
bolgen (natural disaster movie but better)
a quiet place (that scene got me crying like a baby)
the world's end
finding vivian maier (excellent doc. must watch if a feminist.)
suspiria (it's guadagnino. fiennes. swinton. johnson. thom yorke made the soundtrack GAAAHH)
gone girl (the more i think of it, the more i love amy dunne. and it's fincher. you don't say no to fincher.)
laurence anyways (it's dolan. poupaud. moderat's a new error. trans.)
the girl with the dragon tattoo (i like the setting)
hell or high water (im a whore for western. and it's nick cave & warren ellis soundtrack)
frances ha (couldn't find the words)
jagten (gets you to question a lot of shit)
a bigger splash (la piscine)
the big sick (warm)
call me by your name (i cried at the book and then i cried at the movie)
nocturnal animals (GAWWWWWWWD)
jeune et jolie
ahlat ağacı (the father character is just..just..)
alphago
anima (paul thomas anderson directed short)


series 

the fall (feminist series imo, gillian just..f me)
dark (the fact that they put blixa bargeld and apparat is simply amazing.)
fleabag (just finished it yesterday)
sharp objects (i need to talk about this for pages. tw. self-harm, suicide)
years and years (watched it with my ex. this gave me shit loads of anxiety. must watch for everyone imo)
şahsiyet (best turkish series imo)
barry (wooooW. bill hader. let's talk about bill hader)
house of cards (claire hale is my president)
oasis (why didn't they continue?)
game of thrones (it was a gamechanger, there is no denying in that)
the crown (acting. accents. the score. everything. but vanessa kirby. oh gawd)
true detective (first season. haunting.)
the durrells (lawrence durrell.. thats all im gonna say)



books

im not sure if i have read books written in this decade, most of the stuff i read were too old. i will check and update later.



magazines, journals

altyazı (ci ne ma)
socrates (all things sports, but highly very different from the usual sports mag. this one "thinks" ;) )



songs, artists, albums

still woozy (all songs. all.)
moderat (all.)
agnes obel's piano pieces
hindi zahra's "any story" song.
alt-j, taro
matty, i'll gladly place myself below you
foals, birch tree
leisure, know you better
thom yorke's suspiria score, works with modeselektor and others.

(find me on spotify!)



misc.

i have enjoyed my fair share of illustrations and various forms of art. this year, i loved m_d_n_f_'s work. follow them on instagram and see what i mean.


suspiria


sascha ring at a moderat show

call me by your name, chalamet

alphago doc


years and years


anima, thom yorke and paul thomas anderson

la vie d'adéle


the east


green room (a)

laurence anyways


sharp objects


like crazy


shot by vivian maier


matthias schoenaerts in a bigger splash


the sunset limited


jeune et jolie


her

johann johannsson made a song on hyacinths and it killed me

i finished reading call me by your name, in the most unexpected reaction i could ever give to a novel: crying. always prone to crying, in private or public, i hardly ever cry at written stuff because.. well i don't know. seeing someone burst with emotions, the single tear, the hold backs.. it's not the same when you are mumbling words in your head.

but then again, it was a book ending in a break-up, and enormous amount of time piling up on that break-up. recently been through a hard one, and almost got another one on my hands those days, how could i not?

anyways. so i finished call me by your name. but i don't think i'll ever call anyone by mine, zehra. maybe nuverandi or maybe flower. one is the alter ego and the other is the literal meaning of my name.

started reading daha by hakan günday and i shall see how this one goes. my mind is on that lawrence durrell quartet: alexandria. it just seems dreamy. maybe later. maybe.

johann johannsson made a song on hyacinths and it killed me. december is a dreary month, things are silent, all but the wind in trees. you should dance to that.

back on track, with a few shots

i went out once with the intention of buying oranges maybe and came home with a big bottle of jagermeister. so we move here from bad coffee to good coffee to a relapse of bad coffee to jagermeister. that's about it. that's my week.

at times i'm still bummed out about what happened over the past month but it's less and less each day because of the present love i keep on getting. good overcomes bad, feelings-wise. it's incredible how something new sticks up with you.

i finished sir harry luke's cyprus book. how awesome it was to take a journey with the kings and queens of cyprus for the past two weeks. i wish they'd haunt me in my dreams every night. taking me with them through medieval cyprus, famagusta, kyrenia.. wherever.

now reading call me by your name by andré aciman and preparing for my heart to ache with that sweet summer love. it's alright nuverandicim, you are allowed to cry at romances.

watched the irishman, marriage story and under the skin this week. i love how detailed the first one is, but turns out my attention span can and will outweigh good cinema. also, what the hell was that with de-ageing? de niro's eyes were bothering me so so much. marriage story, on the other hand, was a raw piece of work. raw acting, story and all things. with its warm colours and styling, it may have taken my heart at a beat. laura dern was once again the power we all were but not at all aware. it's good to have two sides of a story to study. finally, under the skin. it made me miss scotland and had me searching for cheap tickets. how i miss gloomy scotland. anyways. i thought it was a bit missing on the narrative side. but, oh theybies, the stunning visuals. eerie score. scottish landscape. the eroticism of it all. come, to, me.

ate oranges, celery stalks, coriander, deep fried mushrooms, butter-y rice, sour cherry filling croissants, kerman pistachios, sunflower seeds, almonds soaked in water the night before, green lentils this week. a palette for the tummy and the heart. all things earth. earthy stalks of celery and tips of coriander. darker the weather, darker the green.

i thought of my favourite places to go here and the first one that popped into my head was the market. i loved a bit (okay, not a bit maybe) of grocery shopping. i cook alone. i eat alone. it's like a daily routine for pleasure now. getting my radiohead playlist up and going, singing to it. waiting my rice to soak up all the water, waiting my mushrooms to get all golden coated. maybe if there was a bookstore nearby, it would have been my favourite place. oh well, what can you do.

on my way to university today, decided to list you my favourite road songs. not roadtrip. just road, itself in general.

japanese breakfast- roadhead (morning commute from kyrenia to famagusta, seeing the green kyrenian mountain range)
moderat- bad kingdom (my february trip to istanbul)
pogo- no worries (my friend played this at the bar he was working at, the mood gets me going every night walk)
the xx- fiction (kyrenia to famagusta, and the other way around)
apparat- arcadia (famagusta to kyrenia, daytime)

anyways.

some bad coffee, in between

a few cups of tea throughout the day, only to be ending it with bad instant coffee with some coconut milk -which definitely doesn't cure- in. i thought good coffee accounted for the good chats we had with you, and since i assume that to be a bad cup of it, why not talk about sad shit.

i spent this week getting blamed for different actions i took but, one got to me. i showed some other person a bit of my interest and ended up getting denied of a marriage proposal by another. my closest pals say this marriage proposal discussion was just a way to get me feeling bad about my whole relationship situations, i wouldn't know. i wouldn't know.

all i can think about is that i was thiiiis close to finalising things with a person, until it fell apart a great deal. i wonder how it would be feeling like, you know, being engaged to someone? i never dreamt about getting married, getting engaged or whatever because mainly i didn't think moi was worthy. well someone *did* thought that. someone *did* consider me asking *the* question.

all i gave them was a disappointment. just like any other relationship i had before. any other heartbreak. any other break(up) of some sorts. this time, plus the issue of marriage.

i can't help but wonder,,

good coffee talks

so finally i bought myself good filter coffee last month, and maybe that's why i come here more often to talk with you. and maybe that's why my talks are longer and more personal. that is good coffee my friend, whoever you are.

hi there. hello.

ooooh, my cat came back by the way. kissed her shitloads. good news my pals. it's so weird how you get attached to beings. cats, birds, humans. my heart pounded too many times, i felt like letting go of everything and sobbing on the floor. maybe this is how my breakups should have felt. oh.

i drank chamomile tea. i did some writing for my projects. it still feels like the world is coming in on me, with all its weight for my mind, all the waters for my tears and all the volcanoes for my heart. cravings of tonight are sour cherry filling croissants and salty cashews. the tummy wants what it wants and it is.. emotional eating.

sometimes i am stable enough to go through a day without thinking on my mistakes and the paths i took overall, but maybe it is not who i am normally. stability is overrated and one must go crazy over things going shit.

in any case, i found good cinema and series made me a bit calm. so, again. let's drown in.

i made a playlist for my breakup. put three songs (yet). i always make playlists when i first meet someone and then my roads diverge with them. how weird of a thing to be doing. it's like getting the songs stained a bit here and there. the stains are permanent, every time you listen to a song they are there. you suck, things suck, this song hurts me.

i love someone now, but the uncertainty kills me. mama likes a bit of clarity.

call me and tell me you love me, wake me up from a dream so i know it's real.

hi there. by-bye!

no titles because fuck titles

my cat went missing. i spent my day searching for her, crying in between. my only hope is that she comes back, soon, safe and sound. cats are weird. i miss her so much, i miss her so much. please come back.

in other news, i did more editing on our capstone report only to reassure myself on the fact that starting something is the hardest of all. it all goes smooth once you begin. spent hours. listened to some good music. that's how work should be done, am i wrong?

christmas blend smelled nice. we drank espressos in the balcony. cats climbed on us. i took my book out, failing to read even a single page. maybe it's not me, it's kyrenia. i brew coffee. poured some coconut milk in it. went on a search for mırmır. couldn't find her. took sunset pictures.

my heart aches.

i think on love.

creep plays in my head. but im a creep, im a weirdo. oh yes, yes honey.

my radiohead playlist gets bigger. im a serious playlist-maker. because thats how work demands to be done. with seriousness.